I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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