i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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