He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
