She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
