Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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