Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Sext me about skeletons
Ladies don't puke and tell
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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