I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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