I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
