Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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