Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Vodka?
Forever.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
