i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
