Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
