I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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