So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?