quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs