I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.