he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
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Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
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And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."