And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse