I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
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My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
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i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...