haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
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In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
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he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher