Midget sex pt 2 tonight
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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