Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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