hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
