problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
