I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
