Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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