I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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