Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
