Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
