I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
