Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I need to sanitize my soul.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
