can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
