well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
