I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
