Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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