apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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