Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
