You can't motorboat a personality
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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