I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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