Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
