You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
