Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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