just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
