I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
