no, he came in my armpit
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
