I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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