dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The power of my boobs compel you
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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