So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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