So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
