Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
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There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
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I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.