I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.