we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music