the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
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She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
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New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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