Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy