Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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