Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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