Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
