Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
All I want is dick and wine.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
