I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
