Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
