i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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