Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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