i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
