this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
