Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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