In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
