I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
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First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
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i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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