So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
