So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I don't think brook has ever known best
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
