She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
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Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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