I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
