If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
