he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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