Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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