just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We are two peas in an std pod
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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