we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
