Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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