So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
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