when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I want a musical about memes.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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